Little Moments
by a pretty girl in a glass box
Summary: Imagine if you can, a rope, binding me from going farther than I know I should. There are ways around the rope, but that would make the rope pointless. However, if I push against the rope, it goes from a straight line, to a line bending in my favor, the w
1. We Danced

**Disclaimer** Believe me, if I owned Degrassi, I wouldn't be writing fan fictions, cuz you could watch what I wanted happening on CTV/the-N.

Alex was what I could call an obvious no-go in my life. I wanted to be back with her, but she wouldn't have anything to do with me. Not like that. She would let me hang around, but the moment I started trying to get too close with her, she just pushed me farther away.

Because Alex had been trying to keep me at a distance while still trying to keep me close enough to make sure I wasn't up to anything I wasn't supposed to be, I ended up spending a lot of time around Paige. But Paige was a no-go like Alex was. I would be only able to tolerate her extreme peppiness in very small amounts.

I liked take charge girls, and that was why Alex had been perfect for me. She knew how to get where she was going, and she knew how to get rid of people that stood in her way. Paige was also a take charge girl, but in a very upbeat way that was sure to have me running myself into a wall if I were to get involved with her.

This left me nowhere. Other than Paige and Alex, every other girl I knew avoided me as if I were carrying some sort of infectious disease. In all honesty, that had been the start of it, but I was totally safe again, in that sense.

Admittedly, while in movies and on TV, the girls go for the bad boys, it didn't seem the case in my life. And I was rotten to the core. Every decision I had made in my life had led to trouble and chaos. Yet I was alone, with no one to tell me that eventually I would get things right.

My only friend has turned against me because I told one small white lie to his girlfriend. He accused me of trying to tear them apart, when I was only trying to help him. Although now, looking back, maybe I had been trying to tear them apart. Darcy was a very beautiful girl.

Thoughts like that weren't going to get me anywhere. She was involved, and I was to be avoided by the entire female species. I was worthless and despicable.

But I needed someone to be in my arms. It always felt right for me to have a girl that I could hold on to, someone that I knew I could make feel safe with me. I hadn't had that in a long time, and I missed it.

By nature, I'm very protective of females. I want them to feel safe, especially with me. But none of them did. They all felt threatened, even scared. I hated that about myself, that I had gotten myself such a reputation that I would never be able to make another girl feel safe again.

The chances of ever holding another girl now seemed slim to me. Paige and Alex were the only girls who would acknowledge my existence, and they would have nothing to do with me. They had other people they would rather have hold them.

The only other one had been Darcy, but now that Spin and I were no longer on speaking terms, I was sure that the two of us wouldn't be either. Unless I could get her to pity me, which would be impossible, as all her pity was saved for her poor, mistreated boyfriend.

That lucky bastard had gotten to her first. It's not like he is the only lost cause for her to fix. It's not like he was the only one that needed someone.

I shook my head. I was once again chasing a useless pattern of thoughts. I knew I could never get Darcy, and I honestly didn't want to try. I wasn't the kind of person that would go around stealing someone else's girlfriend, as shocking as some people would think that is.

I would steal money. I would steal food. Clothes, electronics, maybe even a car. But never a person. Everything else is replaceable, but I could never take something that would be gone forever. As horrible a person as I may be, even I have my limits.

Imagine if you can, a rope, binding me from going farther than I know I should. There are ways around the rope, but that would make the rope pointless. However, if I push against the rope, it goes from a straight line, to a line bending in my favor, the way I want it to bend. I can bend my own rules that I have set for myself, even if it is a little out there.

I was going to have to bend now. I had to do something. Perhaps it was merely a crazy impulse, but it motivated me to do something I wouldn't have normally done.

I hopped in my civic and sped off towards Degrassi. I marched straight into Mrs. Hatzilakos' office and asked her to let me come back to school. It took some persuasion, but I insisted that if she had let Spinner come back, that I deserved the same opportunity. I told her that I was beginning to understand how worthless my future was going to be if I wasn't able to complete my education.

She finally agreed with me. We planned out the classes that I would be taking, and I was told I would be able to start them the following morning, so she would have time to get everything in order.

The next day I drove up to school and parked my car. Even as I got out I could feel eyes following me, confused and puzzled. I ignored them. I was at school with a purpose, though my education was honestly the last thing on my mind. I could always charm those that I needed, and right now, I had some bridges to unburn.

I searched the hallways for Spinner, knowing what I had to do. I spotted Darcy's long flowing honey tresses and knew Spin was by her side.

I walked right up to him and he gave me the most puzzled look I had received from anyone since I had stepped back in the building. He asked me what the hell I was doing back at Degrassi.

I fed him the same bullshit I had fed Hatzilakos, but laughed at his disbelieving face. I asked Darcy if I could have a minute with her boyfriend, and she smiled and headed off, probably looking for one of her less than normal friends.

I told him that I hadn't been trying to destroy what he had with Darcy. He knew I wasn't always the brightest person, and I asked how he could expect me to know what to do to really help him. I insisted that I just wanted him to be happy with Darcy and no harm was intended.

Although I could tell he was still skeptical of me, he nodded. I was in again. I knew that he would tell Darcy what I had said, and that even if he didn't want to let me back into his life, Darcy would insist that he would, because I was a troubled soul and needed friends. It is so nice how easy it is to read some people.

I spent the next few weeks getting reacquainted with my only friend, and not to my dismay, Darcy as well. I had given up hanging around Alex and Paige, as they were no use to me. Not that Spinner was a huge tool to me, except that without him, I wouldn't be able to know Darcy any better. And I had to get to know her.

I held in all the stupidity that wanted to come flowing out of me and talked with her on strictly platonic levels while Spinner went to go get food or do something that demanded his immediate attention. I kept my distance and let her cuddle with Spinner as we all sat around watching movies.

As much as I wanted to coyly sneak my arm behind her when Spinner was out of the room, I restrained myself. The last thing I wanted was for someone to discover my plan before I could really put it into action.

Before I knew it, a school dance was coming up, and as luck would have it, Spinner and Darcy were going to be there. And where Darcy went, I would follow, at a distance.

I had amazingly good fortune when Spinner called me one afternoon, saying he had just been forced to work a double shift at the Dot, and he needed me to go pick Darcy up from Spirit Squad practice. I jumped at the opportunity, though I made it sound like an inconvenience when I was asked to do so.

I hopped in my civic and drove back to Degrassi, where I waited near the front steps, my radio quiet for once. I saw her walk down the front steps and look around, puzzled. I honked the horn at her and she came running up to my window.

When she asked where Spinner was, I gave her the truth and told her he had to work and he sent me to make sure she arrived home safely.

It was a silly thing for him to do really. Nobody saw anything as being safe when left in my hands. But I suppose with it getting dark so early around this time of year, he figured I was better than her walking alone on the streets. And then she would know why he wasn't there.

We were driving down the road, in total and complete silence. But I was content just to hear her breathing a few feet away from me. Unfortunately, the silence was broken by the sound of her cell phone ringing. She answered it and talked for a few moments, then hung up, smiling.

I figured that it was Spinner, checking up on her and making sure I hadn't tried to dump her body in the ravine yet, so I was surprised when she told me it was her mother. I was even more surprised when she asked me to follow her inside when I dropped her off.

I willingly obeyed, and shut off the engine after pulling into her driveway. It turned out that her mother had called her to say that her dress for the dance had arrived, and Darcy wanted my opinion on it. Apparently it was so she could get a preview of Spinner's reaction.

She walked into her bedroom and I stood at the bottom of the steps, hardly believing my luck. I looked around and saw a few pictures on the walls. She looked really young in most of them, which reminded me even more of her being a few years younger than me in the first place.

I heard her door open and I focused my eyes on the top of the stairs. Darcy emerged from her room, and it took all I had to keep my eyes in my head and my jaw from hitting the floor. The dress was knee length black lace, and a lavender bow was tied around her waist. The way the dress was cut and formed perfectly to her body made her even more stunning than usual.

I guess she could tell hard I was trying not to react, because she suddenly smiled. She thanked me by giving me a quick hug before running back up to her room. When she came back out dressed like a normal person, I told her that she would knock Spinner off his feet and then I left.

I drove around for a couple of hours, trying to shake her image from my head. Of course, I didn't really want to, but I was beginning to feel like a bad friend, which wasn't anything new. But this time, I felt bad for being a horrible person. I don't know why.

As the dance got closer and closer, I found myself unable to stop thinking about Darcy. Even when the two of us were sitting in Spin's living room, with him between us, I just couldn't shake her image.

I had to shop for the dance. I felt like I had a one-up on Spinner, because I knew what Darcy was wearing, and I could find something to complement it. It was cheating in a way, but since when had that ever bothered me?

I already knew that I was wearing my black slacks that I wore to every "fancy" event, so all I had to do was find the right shirt. It wasn't easy to find something that matched both the color lavender and me. The two didn't go together well, so I doubted that anything would be able to tie us together.

I finally settled on a button up shirt that was a deep blue. It was a color I could work and would mesh nicely with Darcy's outfit.

On the day of the dance, I was an unusually nervous wreck. It's not even like my plan was that great, and it didn't even amount to anything. Hell, I wouldn't even call it a plan. Maybe an idea. But none the less, it wasn't even a great idea. It would get me what I wanted, though it would only be for three or four minutes.

I was beginning to really shut down. It wasn't even worthy of being called an idea. It was just something that I wanted to do. Something that was less than fantastic, and was beginning to seem pointless. Who knew? Maybe something would come from it. Or maybe, nothing would.

The night fell with a certain amount of eeriness and foreboding. But at last I had to go to the dance, where I would see Darcy in Spinner's arms at every song. Of course I would have no one in mine. They would be empty, as no one dances with someone they didn't come with, and I came alone.

I spent most of the night sitting at a table in the corner of the room, watching Spinner and Darcy dance and shake. Occasionally the happy couple would come and sit with me, though for no more than five minutes at a time. They rocked out to every quick song, and swayed gently to every slow song.

My big break came near the end of the dance, when Spinner excused himself to go to the washroom. Darcy gave him a quick peck on the cheek and planted her chin on her hand, with her elbow on my table.

The last slow song for the night came on, and I saw Darcy's shoulders slump as she sighed. It was now or never. I held out my hand for her and motioned towards the dance floor.

She looked up at me and smiled. And she surprised me when she took my hand. We stood up and I led her away from the dark corner to the center of the room, into all the light. I wrapped my arms around her waist.

The music played, we held each other close. And we danced.


	2. Good Morning Beautiful

**Chapter 2: Good Morning Beautiful**

I had hardly believed my luck when Spinner had eaten too much cheese that night at the dance. It was something Spinner had been known to do, but my world had changed because of it. It had been nearly a year since I held a girl in my arms, and because Spinner had to excuse himself, I got to dance with one of the most beautiful girls who had ever made the mistake of acknowledging my existence.

Maybe it hadn't been much. As the music ended, her touch didn't linger, and I was forced to let her go. Go back to the arms of my one friend. No, she was my friend too, I suppose. But after the dance, it had gone back to how it was before. Darcy and Spinner. I was the third wheel in all their afternoons. The third wheel that couldn't get another of the wheel's off my mind.

I supposed I had formed a very unhealthy obsession for the girl. Had I ever confessed this obsession to another, I could only imagine how much of a creep they would think me to be, before they turned me into the authorities.

But Darcy wouldn't need any protection from me. She had Spinner, and I knew my place. I wasn't a danger to her. I was more of a menace to myself than anything really.

I already knew what I was going to do if I were given the chance alone with Darcy again. Again, it would be small and insignificant, and only if the circumstances were right. I could only imagine how long it would take this time. But some things are worth the wait.

I would have to be a closer friend before I could even think about my next move working. I needed to be a confidant, a person she could trust. Right now I was just a person she tolerated because she felt bad for me, because I was Spinner's friend.

I couldn't win. If she was with Spinner, I couldn't have her. If she wasn't, she wouldn't be around me anymore. Maybe my reasoning for not coming between them was more selfish than I had been willing to admit. At least when she was with him, she was sometimes with me. If she was without him, I would be without her.

So day after day I continued to be their third wheel. Even if we were just driving to the grocery store because Spinner had been asked to pick up another litre of milk. I would always volunteer for the back. This was less for the purpose of ensuring that her and Spinner didn't feel like I was invading, and more for the purpose of allowing me to watch her every move.

I was extremely obsessive of her, and had she known, I'm sure she would have flown half way around the world to get away from me. But I kept it hidden. I kept my cool and I kept it natural. But things as simple as asking her to pass the ketchup and having her do it brought an immense warmth to me. Even though while I was using the ketchup, she was feeding Spinner French fries.

There were always the little moments when we could chat, much as there were before. Whenever Spinner took bathroom breaks or really needed something to munch. We only had few minutes at each of the opportunities. This short time was just enough for me to ask her how her day had been so far.

Sometimes I would go out on a limb and tell her how amazing it was that Spin let me invade their time together, and I would apologize to her for them not getting to spend more alone time together. She would then tell me that it was completely fine with her, and that sometimes she was the one who insisted that I come along. She told me everyone needs to feel accepted and like they have somewhere they belonged. And she just couldn't let it rest on her shoulders if I was out there breaking the law just because she didn't want me around.

Sometimes I wondered to myself how it was that I could spend so much time around someone as sweet as she was and not feel like my body was getting a sugar overdose. Part of me thought it was because she was softening me up, but that couldn't be it. I was the same horrible person I had always been. If I had changed, wouldn't I have just left her alone?

That was another one of those things that I lost either way. If she was turning me into a decent person, I would have had the decency to leave her well enough alone. But if I did decide to leave her alone, I would revert back to my life of petty crime. I couldn't make any sense of her effect on me.

Part of me wanted to go out and do something wild and stupid, to prove to myself that she hadn't really had any effect on me. But the part of me she had affected told me not to. I told myself that I would disappoint her and that if I did that, she would only look at me with disdain.

It was a constant struggle with myself to keep from acting out. I knew it would get Darcy to pay me a little more attention, but it wasn't the kind of attention that I wanted her to give me. I wanted her to be in my arms, and if I were to act on impulse that would be that last place she would want to be.

If I wanted to earn her trust and her confidence and if I really wanted to hold her in my arms, I would have to continue being this person I was starting to become. A good person who cared about other people and their feelings. A good person that wouldn't ever dream of stealing something for any reason.

I knew there had to be a faster way of getting what I wanted than the way I was going about it, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what that was. For the first time I could ever remember, I didn't know how to get what I wanted. It was a strange and unpleasant feeling, and there had to be someway about it.

I found myself outside Alex's apartment, pounding on the door in the middle of the afternoon. I hadn't expected her to be home. I had be hoping that I would be able to hide out there all day, pretending to be waiting for her, but in reality hiding from Darcy. I couldn't stand to be around her for fear that I would lose my self-control.

But Alex was home, watching movies in the dark with Paige. She seemed surprised to see me and inquired why I wasn't hanging around with the freak and his ditzy cheerleader girlfriend. Paige gave Alex a dirty look at the last part and Alex insisted that she was only joking.

I told Alex my predicament. Minus the specifics. I just told her that there was something I wanted, really bad, and I didn't have a real way to go about and getting it. I told her that I had to do it in a completely honest and decent way, or it wouldn't work.

Alex was the only person that could help me, and I knew she would pull through. She was the kind of girl that wouldn't let anything stand in her way, and I knew she would help me to find a way around my dilemma. Unfortunately, she wasn't used to getting things the kind and honest way, so after an hour, I gave up. I thanked her for trying, and headed out the door.

I drove around, trying to think of something, anything. But no matter how hard I tried, nothing came. I cursed her for doing this to me. I cursed myself for not being good enough for her. I cursed myself again for being weak enough as to be feeling like this.

I knew I was beginning to lose it just a little bit, but I needed her. I needed someone that I could hold tightly in my arms, and I knew I could make Darcy feel safe with me. If I could just get her to see that, then all the rest would fall into place.

My mood did not improve when I Spinner and Darcy drive by in the other direction, laughing and blasting some tunes. I felt a scowl come over my face. I was beginning to feel a great deal of resentment towards Spinner. That person could have been me had I been smart enough to charm Mrs. Hatzilakos into letting me come back sooner.

That was just one of the many mistakes I had made that I kicked myself for every night. But I needed to stop feeling this animosity towards Spinner. He took me back as a friend when he didn't have to. The only reassurance was that maybe he hadn't wanted to take me back at all. And if he hadn't wanted to take me back, it meant that Darcy had made him.

And the fact that Darcy was willing to put up with me being around all the time was an amazing thing. She couldn't just want me around for the hell of it. There had to be some deeper meaning to it, even if she didn't realize it. But I would have to make her see. I had to.

A few evenings later all such thoughts were pushed out of my mind when I got a phone call from Darcy. She was frantic and crying, her voice breaking as she tried to restrain the sobs.

She told me that her and Spinner had been just hanging around and he started feeling sicker and sicker, until he was in an excruciating amount of pain. He was doubled up on the floor, and she had called an ambulance. When they arrived, they had taken him off, without telling her what had happened to him.

She told me that she was worried out of her mind about him, and begged me to take her to the hospital. I felt such a pang in my heart, and I told her I would be over as soon as I could get there.

I drove as fast as I could to Spinner's house to pick her up, and when I saw her, she was a horrible mess. Her faced was rosy red and her cheeks were stained with tears, while more tears continued to fall from her eyes. She could barely speak, so I just led her to my car and I drove her to the hospital.

We went to the emergency room to inquire where he might be, but as we weren't family, they were not allowed to tell us. However, it had seemed that Darcy had also called Spinner's mother at work and she had gotten to the hospital before us. While we were wandering around trying to find any sign of where he might be, we saw his mother sitting in a seat outside the OR, looking upset, but calming down.

She told us that his appendix had burst, and that he was currently undergoing operation, but that he should be fine. I could feel the relief sweeping over Darcy and her saying a prayer of thanks. I was also grateful that Spinner would be okay, and I was amazed that I hadn't even once thought of how if he wasn't, it would make things easier for me with Darcy.

I was amazed that my only thoughts were of hoping Spinner would be okay, and that Darcy would have her fears calmed. Both had now happened. And I was relieved.

We sat around in the waiting room, doing everything we could, which was wait. Although it seemed to me that with Darcy having her head down so often that she just kept on praying for Spinner. I smiled. She was sweet. After what seemed like forever, one of the people who had been in with him came out and told us that the operation was over and that he was going to be just fine.

Some of the tension in the room seemed to dissolve. Spinner's mother looked down at her watch, and said she really had to get home before she went to work in the morning, and she thanked us for staying also.

I looked up at the clock on the wall. It was shortly after midnight, and although we knew we wouldn't be allowed to visit him until the morning, Darcy and I both agreed to wait out the night there in the waiting room.

We tried to talk, but I could tell that Darcy was wiped. She still had traces of tears on her cheeks and her eyes were beginning to slip. Then I did something that seemed completely crazy. I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to me. She rested her head on my shoulder and had soon fallen to sleep.

I looked down on her sleeping face, amazed that she had recoiled at my touch.

I held her in my arms the whole night, just feeling her heart beat and her breathing. After a while I felt myself drift off too, but I mustn't have slept very long, because it was barely six o'clock when my eyes shot open again.

Along with the two of us, my arm had fallen asleep as well. It tingled and it was numb, but I didn't want to disturb the angel that was resting on it. So I sucked it up and let her continue to use my arm as a pillow.

Through a distant window I could see the sun beginning to peek over the horizon, and she slept on. Every hour or so she would shift slightly, letting out small sounds of contentment. Her beauty amazed me. And her kindness to everyone went even farther than that.

As the clock inched towards ten she began to stir. She moved in closer to me and then opened her eyes. She looked up at me, her head still on my shoulder. I looked down at her and smiled.

"Good morning beautiful, how was your night?"


End file.
